Katy Butler’s mother chose not to have a heart operation at 85 years old that may or may not have prolonged her life another few years. Though many people encouraged her to go for it, including her daughter the author of this article, she declined in large part because she didn’t want to take the risk of ending up like a vegetable as many elderly do when they have serious operations at advanced ages. Einstein chose not to prolong his life at the end when he refused surgery for an aortic aneurysm. He wanted to die with dignity and self-respect having done “his share.” Far too many people try to save their elderly parents from dying gracefully by doing everything possible to give them an extra few months of life. Not only does this tax the Medicare system to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars each year but it often results in additional suffering. A friend of mine had a “do not resuscitate order” for her dying mother that was ignored by busy hospital staff which led to weeks of horrendous and unnecessary suffering and of course cost Medicare hundreds of thousands more. Learning to accept death is not easy for any of us but keeping people alive for the wrong reasons isn’t right. Valerie Harper led a long, dignified life and she chose to let go when she was ready even if others around her weren’t – very cool!
