I’ve done a fair amount of suffering in my lifetime as have many of us. Sometimes, I tell clients that appearances are deceiving and that I’ve suffered far more than my confident, occasionally nonchalant style may show. One thing I’ve learned from suffering is that we can get stronger, more clear, and more aware but that doesn’t make it easy. Sometimes, all the suffering makes life seem pointless and yet other times, it makes us feel grateful for what we have. I agree with the Dalai Lama that helping others and working hard helps – so does creativity. There is nothing like that feeling of creativity to make us feel more alive and feel like our life experience, no matter how hard it is, is worthwhile. I also work on loving and letting go because all of us are faced with these ways of being every day. And the more we love and the more capable of letting go we become, the greater we enjoy the journey! read more

Katy Butler’s mother chose not to have a heart operation at 85 years old that may or may not have prolonged her life another few years. Though many people encouraged her to go for it, including her daughter the author of this article, she declined in large part because she didn’t want to take the risk of ending up like a vegetable as many elderly do when they have serious operations at advanced ages. Einstein chose not to prolong his life at the end when he refused surgery for an aortic aneurysm. He wanted to die with dignity and self-respect having done “his share.” Far too many people try to save their elderly parents from dying gracefully by doing everything possible to give them an extra few months of life. Not only does this tax the Medicare system to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars each year but it often results in additional suffering. A friend of mine had a “do not resuscitate order” for her dying mother that was ignored by busy hospital staff which led to weeks of horrendous and unnecessary suffering and of course cost Medicare hundreds of thousands more. Learning to accept death is not easy for any of us but keeping people alive for the wrong reasons isn’t right. Valerie Harper led a long, dignified life and she chose to let go when she was ready even if others around her weren’t – very cool! read more