I’ve done a fair amount of suffering in my lifetime as have many of us. Sometimes, I tell clients that appearances are deceiving and that I’ve suffered far more than my confident, occasionally nonchalant style may show. One thing I’ve learned from suffering is that we can get stronger, more clear, and more aware but that doesn’t make it easy. Sometimes, all the suffering makes life seem pointless and yet other times, it makes us feel grateful for what we have. I agree with the Dalai Lama that helping others and working hard helps – so does creativity. There is nothing like that feeling of creativity to make us feel more alive and feel like our life experience, no matter how hard it is, is worthwhile. I also work on loving and letting go because all of us are faced with these ways of being every day. And the more we love and the more capable of letting go we become, the greater we enjoy the journey! read more

Katy Butler’s mother chose not to have a heart operation at 85 years old that may or may not have prolonged her life another few years. Though many people encouraged her to go for it, including her daughter the author of this article, she declined in large part because she didn’t want to take the risk of ending up like a vegetable as many elderly do when they have serious operations at advanced ages. Einstein chose not to prolong his life at the end when he refused surgery for an aortic aneurysm. He wanted to die with dignity and self-respect having done “his share.” Far too many people try to save their elderly parents from dying gracefully by doing everything possible to give them an extra few months of life. Not only does this tax the Medicare system to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars each year but it often results in additional suffering. A friend of mine had a “do not resuscitate order” for her dying mother that was ignored by busy hospital staff which led to weeks of horrendous and unnecessary suffering and of course cost Medicare hundreds of thousands more. Learning to accept death is not easy for any of us but keeping people alive for the wrong reasons isn’t right. Valerie Harper led a long, dignified life and she chose to let go when she was ready even if others around her weren’t – very cool! read more

Diana Nyad succeeded in her 5th try to make the 110 mile swim from Havana, Cuba to Key West. Amazingly it took her nearly 53 hours – that’s over two days and she is 64 years old. Her advice: never, ever give up! I agree: my advice on success in life and business: never, ever give up! Sometimes, we need some outside coaching and guidance to get perspective but giving up is never an option for those of us who truly want to live!! read more

An American success story and a chief with feminine attributes like kindness and compassion, Cathy Lanier exemplifies the greatness of the human spirit! Skipping school at 13, pregnant at 14, married at 15 and separated at 17, chief Lanier got a GED, joined the police force at 23, and eventually obtained two masters degrees along the way to becoming chief of a 4000 strong force with an additional 450 civilian administrators. Her approach is tough but compassionate and she is well liked and effective with crime down, new initiatives prevalent (computers, blackberries, etc.) and a directive to make personal cell phones available to those in need. Please read this article. We need more cops like her! read more

Several things struck me about this article in the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times. First, his unbelievable attention to detail, his insistence on doing it over and over with full scale mockups and his complete desire for perfection. I know almost nothing about Calvin Klein or design for that matter but I do know people and many successful people share similar traits: the desire for perfection, a relentless work ethic, perseverance, and the drive to get things right even if they have to piss people off along the way (take forever to build, create traffic jams, etc..) I couldn’t help but wonder, however, with all that need for perfection if Mr. Klein is capable of “Being.” In other words, can he enjoy the now?  Many overachiever personality types have little capacity for enjoyment. Some, on the other hand, are so enraptured by their work that they find a kind of ecstasy in their “doing.” read more

This article in the Sunday Business section of The New York Times is interesting because it highlights some facts about gold as an investment that many of us are not totally familiar with. For instance, owning gold over the long run as an only returns roughly one percent on your money, similar to short-term Treasuries. However, gold is much more volatile as we have seen this year and yet gold does not consistently track the stock and bond market. For this reason, it is a good diversification tool, one of the main arguments for owning some good in your portfolio! read more

Some people have asked me recently about how a guy like Weiner can keep running for mayor under such bizarre circumstances? My answer is a generalization about politicians and a fair amount of people in power since I don’t know him personally. Many ultra-driven people tend to have opportunistic personalities and are less emphatic and remorseful than many of us. Thus, they are less likely to see a problem with their disconcerting behavior and more likely to push on in the face of humiliation that would stop the ordinary citizen. read more

A super-interesting article in the Sunday Review section of the The New York Times highlighting the value of siblings and especially girls in a household who bring out more generous and empathic behavior for men. For example, one study showed that male CEO’s were more generous with their employees if they had a daughter instead of a son.

I have a client who has experienced a bruising decade long battle with his wife due to her anger, alcoholism and blame. Despite my client’s many efforts to get her help and get control over their financial situation, she refused. Eventually they got divorced but not before his finances were decimated, his health impaired, and his family torn apart.  Nevertheless, I still asked him what he could do that would inspire him? Given his state of affairs and the anger he felt both towards himself and his wife, this was no easy question. And yet, he looked at me intently and said, “my writing, I could get back to writing.” read more

I was sitting on the top floor of the Starbucks in Fairfield, Connecticut contemplating what makes life magical. Later that morning, I had a psychology/coaching session with a man in his early forties who used to be an investment banker. Several years ago, he went through a brutal depression and quit his job. In his twenties, he liked many aspects of being a banker; the technology research, the challenge of landing new clients, and the intensity of creating and delivering pitches. However, over time, he began to hate the long hours, endless travel, and the “jerks” that he interacted with on a daily basis. read more