A client in his late forties came to see me because he was having marital difficulties. On the surface it appeared that his wife is a demanding person who rarely appreciated him. His chief complaint was that she didn’t want to have consistent sex with him and that she wanted him to make more money.  As we got to the heart of the matter over time, he began to share how truly unsafe he felt in their marriage. In his perception, reaching out to her and expressing himself invited criticism in return.  He often felt punished and attacked. Instead of communicating, he gradually began to ignore her and avoid intimacy.  Does this sound familiar? read more

Anxiety is the feeling of fear, dread, worry and concern that is often associated with physiological uneasiness. There are many reasons people experience anxiety. Some of us are prone to it through our genetic makeup. Others have been so strongly conditioned in childhood through abuse, neglect or trauma, that the experience of anxiety is inevitable. In my experience of working with thousands of people over the past twenty years, the vast majority of us experience anxiety as a result of the habit of avoidance. read more

An investment banker came to see me because he was tired and feeling depleted. For many years, he had been working long hours, traveling well over a hundred days a year, and rarely ever felt appreciated. In fact, the only thing he looked forward to at work was his bonus, which gratified him only briefly now.  You may not be an investment banker but this story may still sound familiar. Many of us are working long hours and feel under-appreciated. Some of us don’t feel appreciated at all. I am also coaching an elementary school teacher who feels this way. He doesn’t have the hours a banker does, and yet he still works pretty hard.  He too is often tired, frustrated and fatigued without the compensation to look forward too. read more