A lot of relationships loose their fire and passion over time. Part of the reason is that most couples don’t do the little things to keep the passion alive. It takes a big commitment by both parties to maintain a fun, playful, and productive partnership. The first and most important step is to decide to do something about the lack of passion. Honest and open communication is necessary here. This is often difficult for many because generally speaking most people are afraid of hurting another’s feelings. Remember, fear is deadly. It impedes our ability to create in the world, including deeper intimacy. So we must tell the truth. One of the things I say over and over to clients is that the more we practice anything in life the better we get. This includes open and honest communication. So lets start there!

What if being open and honest leads to more difficulty? This happens when people get defensive or get there feelings hurt. It also happens because many people are harboring long held resentments. This is why it is so important to learn to express yourself clearly and thoughtfully, the sooner the better. Again, the more you practice, the more graceful you get. If you have been holding something in for a long time, it is likely out poorly.

Part of the reason some couples choose to see a professional is because communicating on their own sometimes makes matters worse. Seeking help is clearly an option, though one must be careful here too. Some therapists are good, some are not. You may connect with some while others seem weird or not for you. A good fit is necessary for sustained progress. Sometimes, one partner may feel threatened by a therapist the other one likes. Thus, this process can be a challenge too but well worth while if you find the right person!

Let’s discuss some of the little things that you can do to make a difference. Learning to become a better listener and more patient partner is always helpful. These skills not only serve you in intimacy but in business as well. When we have the intimacy flourishing, the sex almost always follows. Passion and intimacy are interconnected, especially after the initial chemical attraction has run its course. After several years or several months in some instances, the passion comes more from deep caring, mutual respect, and synergy. The good news is that all of this can be developed. Again, it takes commitment, dedication, and perseverance; the same attributes it takes for success in business. Intimacy is often more challenging however, because it stirs up so much unconscious material from our childhoods. This is why personal growth is fundamental. Part of the passion comes from mutual respect. If one partner is a mess or unsuccessful in business, the other partner may begin to resent them over time. This is part of the reason why I try to help each partner develop a sense of success in their lives outside the relationship. This independence often leads to a healthier relationship over time!