Almost everyone has some form of self-sabotage in their life. Why is that? Because most of us weren’t raised by Buddhas. In other words, the people around us are flawed. As a result, we have patterns from our early environments that interfere with our success and happiness later in life. These patterns are habitual, repeated over and over. It is our conditioning. Successful people, in general, become aware of their negative conditioning and do something about it. The key to changing any negative pattern in our lives is to become aware of the pattern itself, the triggers that cause it, and the rewards that sustain it. Then, we must substitute a new routine instead of the same old one.

One of the main reasons that 12 step programs are successful for many in treating addiction is that the environment creates and provides a method and structure for behavior change. The group process also helps people believe that change is possible. Believing that change is possible is fundamental to success! Members share their personal stories. They share their successes and failures (relapses). Not only can members relate to each other but they can recognize the signs and symptoms of potential relapse in one anther. For instance, instead of drinking again, you can go to a meeting where others are supporting you in giving up alcohol. A sponsor provides mentoring and becomes a sounding board when the old patterns re-emerge.

We don’t need 12 step programs to change our behavior, though for serious addiction they may be a great call. Some people make a decision they are done doing whatever is not working in their lives. I often coach people to make NO MATTER WHAT decisions in their lives. We must still back up our decision with action. For instance, if you have never been able to sustain a healthy long-term relationship and want to do so then you may need to seek professional guidance on how to do so. This is action. Clients who look me up for coaching because they are sick and tired of repeating the same negative patterns over and over are taking action.