Jane Isay writes eloquently about her marriage to a gay Psychiatrist in her book and cover story in Psychology Today magazine. She lived a lie for over a decade of marriage before her husband told her the truth. As she acknowledged, Ms. Isay preferred to live a fantasy of the perfect marriage than face the truth of a marriage devoid of sexual intimacy. Once his secret was out, they continued to live a lie with their friends, family, and professional community for years until it became nearly impossible to continue.
Facing the truth and moving through denial is often the most powerful and challenging thing we can do. A man came to see me recently who was never attracted to his wife sexually. For years he cheated on her until one day he got caught. For the next six years he stopped the extramarital activities only to stuff his sex life. He quit working with me rather than tell his wife his truth. His guilt and fear were too strong and he wasn’t ready to come clean.
I coach people to live and speak their truth. This is often difficult and takes courage. And yet, there is no better way to live!